April 22, 2014 Tuesday
CNN -- Speculative, Inquiring, Repetitiously Murky ... We're Starting to Make Fox News Appear Almost Acceptable
Let's recap this month's news, shall we?
Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 went down somewhere and all month long CNN has been speculating about an almost infinite number of variables that are supported by almost no facts. It's hard for a "24 hour" news channel to come to grips with the fact that it can't report on news that doesn't exist, so why not just spend all your air time speculating, rather than confirming facts and verifying sources? I say, fuck it, too, let's just make shit up.
The Easter Bunny, age 204, was caught in Albuquerque, New Mexico, on Easter Sunday, fornicating with a transgender jackrabbit prostitute named Bunny Bags, age 17, in the parking lot behind an abandoned library. When asked by Albuquerque Police Department Vice Sergeant Melvin P. Diddledickie why he was engaged in the aforementioned activity with the known prostitute in broad daylight when he should have been busy planting colored eggs, the Easter Bunny replied tersely, "I've slaved for you ungrateful humans all my life! It's my turn to live!"
Earlier this month, some other shit didn't happen, by I won't report on it because I can confirm the fact that that shit didn't happen, so it wouldn't be worthy of journalistic inquiry.
This has not been CNN.