Climate of the Ape-Man

(Image source: Global Warming Education Network on facebook)

March 31, 2014
By Richard Reynolds



People generally don't believe in global warming or the fact that it is a man-made phenomenon caused by excessive accumulation of greenhouse gases in the Earth's atmosphere.  The reasons they don't believe it are many, but the reasons all boil down to the kind of mythology that has plagued mankind since the first ape-like human looked up at the sun and thought, "There's a hole in the sky," or whatever unsupported ignorant theory he came up with to explain our solar star's existence.  The good news is that eventually someone along the way thought, "Hey, ape-like human, that really doesn't make sense to me.  What are your facts to support this dubious hypothesis of yours?"  To which the ape-like human replied, "Sky ... hole ... fire burn."  The ape-like human's skeptical opponent must have retorted with something like, "Jesus, you gullible fucker, there's absolutely no way I'm going to believe your bullshit without some facts to back it up!"  Needless to say, the ape-like human couldn't come up with anything other than a few monosyllabic grunts ... and then the ape-like human raped the skeptical opponent to death with a splintery stick for daring to challenge his intellectual assessment of the sky-hole.  "Sky-hole now in your ass!" the ape-like human growled at the dead proto-scientist with the bleeding asshole.

This is how the global warming-denying cult reacts to all efforts at objective scientific inquiry.  They say things like, "It's all a conspiracy by the Obama government and other faggot liberals to raise our taxes!"  (To them, the purpose of all objective scientists is to espouse crackpot theories like global warming and climate change to get the deniers' taxes raised ... even though doing this would obviously raise the taxes of the objective scientists as well).

It doesn't matter to global warming-deniers that all the governmental scientific agencies of all the civilized world now agree that global warming and climate change caused by the accumulation, man-made, of greenhouse gases is real, verified by the scientific method of experimentation, skepticism, and re-evaluation.  Science can and does get things wrong.  Scientists love -- absolutely fucking love to prove other scientists wrong; they just need proof to prove other scientists wrong.  When they don't have verifiable proof to prove other scientists wrong, they re-evaluate their own hypotheses and challenges to the work of other scientists, and most often they come to the conclusion that the majority of scientists' work is verifiable through prediction, experimentation, and re-evaluation.

Myth-lovers don't seem to know or to want to know that scientists want to prove one another wrong.  They think scientists get together in some gigantic government conspiracy office building and commit mysterious Satanic rituals and copulate devilishly upon beakers and test-tubes, eating babies and coming up with crazy ideas like the Earth is round, not flat, the world revolves around the Sun and the other planets also revolve around the Sun, and the Earth is not the center of the universe, nor even is it the center of our solar system.

And the Sun is not a hole in the sky.  The ape-like human should not have anally murdered his skeptical opponent.  He should have listened to him, maybe debated with him, then maybe re-evaluated his hole-in-the-sky bullshit hypothesis.  Alas, the ape-like human went forth and procreated, raising the offspring he sired by raping numerous ape-like human women who either had low standards in ape-like human men or simply couldn't outrun them.  The offspring went forth, believing their father's bullshit theory of the hole in the sky, never knowing the counter-argument of their father's anally-murdered opponent, who never had the chance to come up with what more likely would have been a better theory about what the Sun was.

Science cannot progress to the exclusion of the non-believing masses.  Science must engage the ignorant with an undaunted ferocity by consistently -- even incessantly -- supplying the non-believing ape-like humans with knowledge that may eventually supplant the ape-like humans' bullshit theories.  There still exist people who may very well have enormous, unfulfilled intellectual capabilities ... yet they, through their ignorance, continue to deny the obvious, the proven, and to propagate unsupported theories without ever doubting or testing their false beliefs.

Climate scientists overwhelmingly agree that global warming is real and its primary cause is man-made CO2 emissions and other greenhouse gases, an unprecedented increase that began with the Industrial Revolution.  Scientists who specialize in other fields -- astronomy, cosmology, Earth sciences -- have looked at the data and decades upon decades of research and study and analyses, and they overwhelmingly conclude that the work of climatologists in the solid theory of climate change and global warming is generally indisputable.  Remember, all these scientists are competitive little motherfuckers who want desperately to prove their cohorts in science wrong so they can get credit for being right.  But they had to go the other way and, eventually, because all the science points to no other reasonable conclusion, they had to admit that the climate scientists are right.

The difference between the ape-like human and the reluctant, skeptical scientific opponents of the global-warming scientists is that they didn't anally murder their skeptical opponent when they couldn't come up with a reason anymore to deny the global warming theory.

Science is a search for truth.  Scientific consensus is a way of determining truth.  Politics does not determine truth, mythology does not determine truth, fantasy does not determine truth, and religion does not determine truth.  Facts, supported by more facts, determine the validity of a theory.

Put the rape-stick away, people.

(Here are some sources that people might very well find more reputable on this subject than breitbart dot com and Fox News):

http://www.epa.gov/climatechange/basics/facts.html

http://climate.nasa.gov/scientific-consensus

http://www.wunderground.com/climate/facts.asp

Feds Need to Legalize Pot ... Release Magical Elves

The federal government needs to legalize marijuana.

It is an almost certain inevitability that eventually it will become federally legalized and the decades-long disaster of marijuana prohibition will elicit as much laughter at the folly of this plant's prohibition as is elicited when people think of the catastrophe that was alcohol prohibition during the early twentieth century.

Two states have abolished their prohibition against recreational marijuana use; many other states have allowed for the use of medical marijuana.  The federal government, which has chosen to turn sort of a blind eye -- for the most part -- to marijuana legalization, needs to quit its war on the weed because the war has always been a joke.

Marijuana is not harmless.  Disposable lighters and portable heaters are not harmless.  But people can and do use these things responsibly.

I'm not a marijuana user.  I have used it regularly in the distant past, but the last few dozen times I smoked it, it was not pleasurable and I didn't get to see any magical elves, which was my primary reason for smoking it in the first place.  Who doesn't want to see magical elves?  If you answered this question with a firm, "ME!  I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANY FUCKING MAGICAL ELVES, FOR GOD'S SAKES!" then you're a putz.  What the fuck have you got against magical elves?  What did magical elves ever do to you to make you such a discriminatory asshole?  Shame on you, magical elf-hater.

Notwithstanding the federal government's despising magical elves, it should legalize marijuana because prohibiting marijuana over these many decades has done nothing demonstrably to mitigate marijuana usage, but it has allowed criminal enterprises to thrive due to the illegality of marijuana.

I say let the magical elves run free.  They're good elves ... and they don't snoop on us through meta-data mining.

Good luck, magical elves.  And don't eat all the Doritos.

The Koch Bros.: America's Kings

{Photo from Wikipedia, entry for David H. Koch, United States Citizen-King No. 1}









The corporate influence upon the mass media, including news organizations, has become all but complete -- if not completely complete.  One may find signs of this within a few moments of watching any newscast -- local or national -- and America has no more an independent journalistic media than Russia or China.

It's not really necessary to try to prove this, but even leaving out the fact that news telecasts are peppered with egregiously deceptive commercial advertisements which directly market questionable prescription medications to uninformed potential patients for undiagnosed diseases, news telecasts often report on stories that their corporate parent companies and affiliates have strong vested interests in, yet almost never is this disclosed but in passing and never is it explored.  Why explore your own conflict of interest?  If you're in a news organization and you insist on investigating your own parent company, you're likely not going to be in a news organization for very long.

There are exceptions, of course.  PBS programming and CBS has sometimes done pieces on the Koch Brothers' influence on national and statewide elections, but they've never done long pieces investigating their own connections to the Koch Brothers.  (In case anyone doesn't know who the Koch Brothers are, they're a family of uber-wealthy fascists who believe that their money should allow their individual voting power to dictate the votes of others through misinformation, outright lies, and distorted vilifications of all they oppose ... and the United States Supreme Court agrees with their right to do this).  The United States is no longer one man/one woman/one vote; the United States now considers corporations to be individual people.

Cynics would say that money rules America.  The cynics are right.

Giant Boar Hoax ... Again!

As of 12:00 PM, March 13, 2014, there are approximately 5,000 facebook "likes" and 2400 "shares" for a totally bullshit story on CBS News' facebook page -- a bullshit story that is a common internet hoax called, among other things, "Pigzilla," "Hogzilla," and "Monster Pig."  CBS News ran a story that a 500 pound wild boar was killed by a hunter in North Carolina (and before anyone starts arguing, let me freely admit I'm not a zoologist and I have very little to no knowledge about wild boar).  The photo CBS News is displaying is a faked Photoshop-worked picture of a hunter behind a behemoth wild boar with its head and snout posed impossibly upwards; it is such a ridiculous photo and story -- primarily because anyone who has doctored photographs with Photoshop knows that you can alter photographs pretty much any way you desire, as well as the fact that whenever bullshit stories like these hit the internet viral merry-go-'round there is almost never a video ... it's always a photo.  In this case the photo is so poorly doctored that it boggles my mind that CBS fell for this bullshit.  I don't even know that CBS News fell for it, because CBS News has run with a story that was exactly the same in 2007 and which was later scientifically proven to be a hoaxed photograph.  The photograph in the 2007 bullshit story was at least a better photograph, even though it was done by a photographic perceptual-illusion technique (commonly referred to as "trick photography") and not Photoshop, with an 11-year-old boy posed behind his giant boar.

Even more amazing to me than the fact that CBS News ran with this bullshit story is the fact that it got 5,000 "likes" and 2400 "shares" (and counting).  People almost unanimously believe this bullshit story without questioning its obvious lack of validity.  There could be a thousand episodes done on this subject on "Mythbusters," and people would still dispute it.

We want to believe it.  It's a fucking giant pig!  Why would someone be such an asshole that he would try to kill this giant pig of a Santa Claus myth?  Because it is my dream as a total skeptical dick to destroy people's blithely stupid faith in things that are magical.  I'm not talking about people's spiritual beliefs and denigrating them as moronic, as Bill Maher tends to do ... I'm an atheist, but I like the fact that people of different cultures have some kind of moral or ethical magical beliefs in which they want to put their faith ... otherwise they might attempt to murder me and eat me for dinner for being such an atheist asshole.  But urban legends piss me the fuck off.  Blindly insisting upon the veracity of unproven, specious, moronic hoaxes -- and perpetuating them through the media of our cultures -- has no intrinsic moral or ethical value.  It's disinformation ... and there's too much disinformation without propping up Photoshop hoaxes like giant boars and Bigfoots.  Or is it Bigfeet?  I've never been able to figure out the plural of Bigfoot.  Maybe it's Bigfoots.  Fuck it -- no matter what the plural form is ... it's total bullshit.

Good night, and good luck, sheeple.