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Tuesday, February 28, 2012

I Love Money, Money, Money ....

I love money.  Money is small and shiny or it's big and green.  Money will get you out of any problem ... if you have enough of it.  Money will buy you love, make you more attractive, give you bigger breasts, allow you to have an erection for four or more hours (and to pay for the emergency room visit and penile surgery that follows a four-hour erection).  Money allows God to be pleased with you and gets you into Heaven.  Money makes parking tickets go away.  Money puts food on the table and keeps your wife or girlfriend in a sexy mood.  It buys admission to a movie theater, then pays for your perforated eardrum treatments caused by the explosive sounds of quadraphonic 3-D hypersound movie-theater speakers.  It buys you that big vat of popcorn that is ninety percent butterfat.  It gets you out of a murder conviction.  Lust for money, they say, is the root of all evil, but they only say that because they think that if enough people believe that money is the root of all evil, other people won't love money, and then the people who say that the lust for money is the root of all evil will have access to even more money that other people who believe that the lust for money is the root of all evil won't want.  The previous sentence, I realize, was quite convoluted, but if you read it several times, it will make sense, especially if you have money.

(ASPCA NOTICE:  No money was harmed in the writing of this post).


  1. Hahaha. Btw- I needed only read the "convoluted" sentence once. Run-on sentences and I are no strangers. If I really had to use perfect sentence structure, it would take much longer to write my point out. I hate money, personally, bur that's just because I never seem to have enough of it! Lol.

  2. Welcome to the machine, Jay. And I'm VERY impressed that you only needed to read that sentence once, because my convolution sent me into convulsions and even I had to read the thing three or four times before I was sure it made some sort of sense. This Richard Reynolds guy is a weirdo, anyway. And he loves money! Who does he think he is -- Gordon Gecko? He is DOOMED. This blog is weird, and you shouldn't trust this Richard Reynolds freak. Enjoy the Stuffing, Jay.

  3. You always speak about yourself in third person? Checked some of your other blogs. Many things we do not agree on. But, it eill make for interesting debate in the future.

  4. Sometimes I speak about myself in the third person, but only because I don't trust myself. I mean, would you trust someone who spoke about himself in the third person? I certainly don't, Jay. And it does not surprise me that we disagree on many things; the only person I agree with on a consistent basis is myself. And even I sometimes come to blows with myself after a really heated exchange with myself. I can be a real asshole sometimes. Once, during a long debate on libertarianism vs. liberalism vs. socialism, I punched myself, had myself arrested for assault and battery, then sued myself to pay for reconstructive surgery on my maxilla and for dental surgery on three of my upper teeth. I lost the lawsuit, however, because the court determined that I provoked the assault. You can't trust courts these days.