Tuesday, February 28, 2012
I Love Money, Money, Money ....
I love money. Money is small and shiny or it's big and green. Money will get you out of any problem ... if you have enough of it. Money will buy you love, make you more attractive, give you bigger breasts, allow you to have an erection for four or more hours (and to pay for the emergency room visit and penile surgery that follows a four-hour erection). Money allows God to be pleased with you and gets you into Heaven. Money makes parking tickets go away. Money puts food on the table and keeps your wife or girlfriend in a sexy mood. It buys admission to a movie theater, then pays for your perforated eardrum treatments caused by the explosive sounds of quadraphonic 3-D hypersound movie-theater speakers. It buys you that big vat of popcorn that is ninety percent butterfat. It gets you out of a murder conviction. Lust for money, they say, is the root of all evil, but they only say that because they think that if enough people believe that money is the root of all evil, other people won't love money, and then the people who say that the lust for money is the root of all evil will have access to even more money that other people who believe that the lust for money is the root of all evil won't want. The previous sentence, I realize, was quite convoluted, but if you read it several times, it will make sense, especially if you have money.
(ASPCA NOTICE: No money was harmed in the writing of this post).