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Wednesday, February 29, 2012


Americans hate illegal immigrants.

I know that seems like a horrible thing to say about a "Christian" nation, but it's true.  We detest them; we want them arrested, deported, or imprisoned for years and then deported.  Being a contrarian bastard, however, I don't hate them ... I don't detest them ... I don't want them imprisoned.  And neither does Corporate America.  Yes, Americans hate immigrants, but Corporate America loves cheap labor to be accessible, and that's why even President George W. Bush wanted to put them on a path to citizenship.  It was one of the few things George and I actually agreed upon (although I doubt George would have given a shit what I thought -- why should he be any different from anyone else?).

The reason I don't hate illegal immigrants is because it is absolutely not their fault that they're breaking the law. We've had laws against illegally immigrating to this country for a very long time, yet we've always exploited illegal immigrants as a cheap source of labor.  By ignoring illegal Mexican immigration for so long, we've encouraged it tacitly.  Not even tacitly; we've encouraged it vigorously throughout our entire history as a nation.  Until times when the economy got rough and jobs became more scarce.  But even in the times when there has been a furor over immigration (like when the Germans, Chinese, the Irish, etc., started coming to America to destroy our language and rape our wives and daughters -- in decreasing order of importance), we've always survived -- and even thrived -- as a nation ... because immigrants work hard and cheap.  Just what Corporate America wants.  And Corporate America gets what it wants.  Always.  And without question.

But there will come a time when outer-space aliens come to our planet en masse.  Not just in little masses, like those stray aliens who have been occasionally abducting Midwestern farmers and probing their rectums with Uranium Isotope Metal Dildo Machines (or, translated into an American English abbreviation, UIMD's), but in huge alien armadas of great big spaceships that will surround us, take our jobs, fuck our women (and every Midwestern farmer they didn't get in their first, smaller waves), and we will all be speaking Krthpthksqigglatca, and we'll all have to get used to having to turn grocery items around in the store so we don't have to read the nutritional ingredients of Krthpthksqigglatcan Soylent Green Illegal Immigrant Queso Flesh in their unpronouncable super-fricative alien language.  That is, if the Krthpthksqigglatcans are nice enough to allow us to use English at all.

(For the record, Krthpthksqigglatacans who are here already, I love Soylent Green Illegal Immigrant Queso Flesh ... even though I can't pronounce it in your native tongue.) 


  1. Something else we agree are Crazy!!! Funny...but...crazy. you aee unfortunately right about illegal immigrants. Maybe if the government quit "fixing " the economy by raising minimum wage( causing all wages to increase to be consistent ) we could afford to hire our own citizens. It seems obvious that by raising minimum wage, you now taise the cost for corparations to employ. You raise the cost for manufacturing to produce goods. You raise the cost for the store stock boy to stock those goods. Then, all of tgis inevitably increases cost to ..let's raise minimum wage!....A vicious cycle tgat has caused corporations to purchase from foreign countries as thet didn't raise minimum wages $4 in 13 years. They can pay their citizens a much lower amount to produce goods making the ability for them to profit is greater at a much, much lower cost. So, be it illegal immigrants taking our jobs or those jobs not existing here...we are FU*KED....

    Krthpthksqigglatacans probably won't want this country. And, even if they do, when you look at the back of that box in the grocery store and see the ingredients mentioned, it will be followed by those words we are so used to seein..... MADE IN CHINA! !!!

  2. I understand your anger, Jay. But I think you might need to relax yourself just a little bit, maybe put on one of your Whitney Houston albums and kick back with a Mexican cerveza. This country has withstood the Corporate America-backed onslaughts of immigrants for quite a few centuries now. (Don't get me started on China -- why we get so cozy with the oppressive regimes of foreign countries will always mystify me). I don't know that minimum wage is the problem, but I agree having a minimum wage doesn't usually help keep low-wage earners above the poverty line. These are all complex issues, ones that have no simple answers -- although we all like to think they do (Occam's razor is more of a guideline than a hard-and-fast rule). And you're either underestimating or overestimating the Krthpthksqigglatacans, Jay. Their planet is rife with illegal aliens, and they also have strict anti-immigration laws they don't enforce. They have no minimum wage, but Krthpthksqigglactans are besieged by innumerable economic woes of their own, not the least of which was the Great Galactic Recession of 7488 BCE (our time), which caused trillions of Krthpthksqigglactans to resort to cannibalizing each other. As a result, they now have only a population of 585 trillion Krthpthksqigglactans, and they are now enforcing procreation laws upon the remaining population. Penalties for not procreating include banishment to Planet Earth. Violators of the pro-procreation laws are now being employed by Coca-Cola, Inc., and our living very happily upon our meager U.S. dollar wages. Also, they are very happy with Coke Zero.

  3. Should be "... ARE (not our) living very happily upon our meager U.S. dollar wages." Damn you, homonyms!

  4. Where do you come up with this stuff? Lol. And, minimum wage by itself is not the problem. And I am surely no economics genius. However, it seems to me that, if the goal is to employ as many legal citizens in our country as possible while keeping tge economy strong, raising minimum wage to higher levels is counter productive. I explained my thought proceas in the previous post. Typically when minimum wage increase so do the wages of higher paid americans. I have no issue with a minimum wage. I have an issue with increasing it each time the economy needs "stimulating". It has caused American goods, made in America, to be priced right out of the market. The workers in China make 1/3 what an American worker does for the same job. Excuse me, please, as I have a Whitney Houston / Davy Jones jam session to attend :)

  5. I totally agree, Jay. Except about the Whitney Houston/Davy Jones jam. But say hello to Davy's corpse for me if you get the chance. Tell Whitney I meant no personal offense about her personally -- only that her songs sucked.

  6. P.S. I don't know where I come up with this stuff. I guess it just comes to me out of nowhere ... or maybe from my Krthpthksqigglactan brain implant. (Aliens are so nefarious.)