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Monday, April 14, 2014

Happy Taxes, Everyone

Uncle Sam, sans KY lubricant, about to test your rectal temperature

April 14, 2014

Happy Taxes, Everyone
by Richard Reynolds

It's the day before Americans have to file their taxes with the IRS, so I'm sure a pall of infinite sadness hangs over the majority of late-filers, myself included.

To help lift everyone out of the Deadline Blues, I thought I'd talk about what the government has done right recently.

Okay ... I'm finished.

Happy now?  No?  Fuck off ... I tried.

Happy Late Tax-Filer's Day, Americans.

Remember ... the government is spying on you, paying off communications industries to do so, supporting repressive foreign governments to hold sway over strategic oil prices, incarcerating the mentally ill to keep our neighborhoods ready for gentrification at the expense of poor people who will have to move to fuck-knows-where to be able to afford some shitty place to call home, and we have facebook comments to read that are written by quasi-literate rednecks who think the government is conspiring to make us believe in the undeniable fact that global warming and climate change are real and man-made.

At least we have reality television.  And twenty-four news channels that have about four hours of actual news per day.

So cheer the fuck up, sad bitches, and mail those 1040EZ's in quickly, before Uncle Sam knocks on your door and rapes you anally with his petrified white goatee.

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