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Thursday, March 20, 2014

Feds Need to Legalize Pot ... Release Magical Elves

The federal government needs to legalize marijuana.

It is an almost certain inevitability that eventually it will become federally legalized and the decades-long disaster of marijuana prohibition will elicit as much laughter at the folly of this plant's prohibition as is elicited when people think of the catastrophe that was alcohol prohibition during the early twentieth century.

Two states have abolished their prohibition against recreational marijuana use; many other states have allowed for the use of medical marijuana.  The federal government, which has chosen to turn sort of a blind eye -- for the most part -- to marijuana legalization, needs to quit its war on the weed because the war has always been a joke.

Marijuana is not harmless.  Disposable lighters and portable heaters are not harmless.  But people can and do use these things responsibly.

I'm not a marijuana user.  I have used it regularly in the distant past, but the last few dozen times I smoked it, it was not pleasurable and I didn't get to see any magical elves, which was my primary reason for smoking it in the first place.  Who doesn't want to see magical elves?  If you answered this question with a firm, "ME!  I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANY FUCKING MAGICAL ELVES, FOR GOD'S SAKES!" then you're a putz.  What the fuck have you got against magical elves?  What did magical elves ever do to you to make you such a discriminatory asshole?  Shame on you, magical elf-hater.

Notwithstanding the federal government's despising magical elves, it should legalize marijuana because prohibiting marijuana over these many decades has done nothing demonstrably to mitigate marijuana usage, but it has allowed criminal enterprises to thrive due to the illegality of marijuana.

I say let the magical elves run free.  They're good elves ... and they don't snoop on us through meta-data mining.

Good luck, magical elves.  And don't eat all the Doritos.

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