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Friday, September 14, 2012

A Moron's Endorsement of Mitt Romney

Miriam Madrigal, of San Antonio, Texas, writes:

Dear Mr. Doomed Stuffing:  I'm obviously a fictional creation of your twisted imagination, and simply a device you'll use to make one of your weird points about how unacceptable you find some subject to be.  So why are the Jews so insistent upon going to Hell?

Jesus on a fuckin' jumping bean, what is it with you anti-Semitic evangelical freaks?  Miriam, obviously you are a fictional creation based upon many of my encounters with people who populate the Earth, bubonic fleas upon a newborn puppy, and nothing more.  By the way ... how did your hysterectomy go?

Dear Mr. Doomed Stuffing:  The doctor was a Jew, but he says the operation went fine.  Am I doomed to Hell because I let a Jew doctor operate on me?

Yes, Miriam ... you're going to Hell because you allowed a Jewish surgeon to remove your uterus for the good of mankind.  But Hell is a place where non-Semitic condemned souls get certain privileges.  For instance, you're allowed to golf every Monday, when all the Jewish surgeons are forced by Satan to return all the uteri they removed during their lifetimes, and they're never allowed in the clubhouse.

Dear Mr. Doomed Stuffing:  Thank you, that is such a relief!  I was worried if I went to Hell I would have to golf with either Jews or Negroes.  Your friend always, Miriam.

Miriam also told me she wants everyone to know that she supports Mitt Romney even though he's a Mormon with magical underwear, because she believes that infidels and heretics who convert to the GOP are exempt from eternal damnation.

Take that endorsement for whatever you think it's worth.

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