The Muppets Take Facebook

I like to "chat" with people on some news media's facebook pages.  We exchange comments.  They say things like, "I'll pray for you so that you don't go to hell, u left-wing commie faggot," and "It sure is strange how those light-skinned negro Politicians are always up to no good."  What do you say to people like this?  Why say anything?  You can't make or force people to be intelligent.  I guess I'm chasing windmills to engage water-headed bumpkins in any conversation at all, even if the conversation is usually just a series of thrust-and-parry insults, but I don't get out much because of my intense agoraphobia, so fighting with douchebags is really just my own little sociopathic way of socializing.

I should stop, but I won't ... because maybe one day one of these water-headed Muppets will think, "Mr. Doomed Stuffing is right!  I am an uneducated, hyper-religious hillbilly moron who should quit getting all my ideas and 'facts' from Bill O'Reilly, Nancy Grace, and the 'PTL Club.'  I am an individual with a brain ... and I should be more discerning in my selection of informational outlets."  Of course, water-headed Muppets don't think whole sentences like that.  If they had similar thoughts to the ones I just gave them, they would go something like this:  "O'Reilly and Nancy and PTL liars? Horseshit!  Jesus invented 'merica!  Fuck your mother, Doomed Stuffing!  U fuck faggots!"

I know I should have more adversarial respect, but alas, I cannot.  Facebook commentators are a sorry bunch.  They're full of hate, superstitions, and they represent the lowest common denominator of American discourse.  Probably, that lowest common denominator of American discourse has rubbed off on me more than I'd like to admit.  My adversarial disrespect probably comes from my German-Irish heritage.  The Germans and the Irish are not known for their laid-back whimsy in dealing with disagreements.

Really, I should blame myself ... not the water-headed Muppets, not the Germans, not the Irish.  I choose to engage tenth-grade dropouts in conversations about politics, religion, atheism, education, racism, sexism, and bigotry.  I should have my ass kicked for trying to engage the intellect of a nation of psychological and intellectual cripples.

Oh, well ... what the fuck.  If I don't try to make the internet a less stupid place, what surly misanthropic atheistic left-winger will?  There are so few of us out there.  Or maybe most of us just have the intelligence not to engage water-headed Muppets in conversation.

[Author's note:  Although water-headed Muppets tend to call me a faggot because I'm not anti-gay, I am, indeed, not gay ... and I would very much appreciate anyone out there on the internet who wants to send me lots of hot lesbian porn ... not the kind where a chick acts like a bull fucking a heifer, but the kind where two hot chicks meet up and decide they just want to take turns going down on each other because they find themselves falling in love at first sight.  I guess I'm just a romantic deep down in my concrete heart.  Please send hot lesbo porn to eagle43aguila@hotmail.com.]